So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
