we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
