Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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