Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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