She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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