Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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