She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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