Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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