And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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