Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
