wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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