Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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