i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
