I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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