If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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