i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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