i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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