also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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