I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
