ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
