there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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