Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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