He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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