Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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