Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
