hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
