You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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