one might say we're banned from that church
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
