just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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