I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
