A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
