her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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