he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
