I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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