You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
