sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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