just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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