Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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