She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
