very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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