I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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