The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
