I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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