He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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