i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there is glitter all over my balls
Never underestimate the power of titties
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
