He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
