you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
