I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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