had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
