I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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