just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
