Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
