Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
