we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
