Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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