So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's blow job season.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
