he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
