I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
