I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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