He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
