Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize