Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
