i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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