Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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