Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
