i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
