Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
