Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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