apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
