porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
