ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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