We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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