So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
