you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
