brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
