Little spoons don't ask big questions
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
