The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
