Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
