Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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