I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
