she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
